Psychotherapy and Zen (from FB posts)


September 6, 2017

Pick a path

"We all stand somewhere between absolute freedom on one hand, and total helplessness on the other. On our pilgrimage, all of our decisions must be made on the basis of insufficient data. It is enough if we accept our freedom, take our best shot, and face the consequences. It may seem unfair to have total responsibility over our own lives without total control over it, but good or bad, that's just the way it is.

I suggest to the psychotherapy patient that it is the same for all of us. And that ultimately it does not matter what we do; whatever we gain will not change our lives, and whatever pain we endure, we will survive. We might as well do what we can to bring meaning to our own lives. Pick a path with heart, and find your laughter."

~ Sheldon Kopp "If You Meet the Buddha on the Road, Kill Him: The Pilgrimage of Psychotherapy Patients"


August 2, 2017

Freedom and the Unknown | by Adyashanti

"Human beings have a drive for security, safety, and certainty. You might stay in a job you don’t like because you are afraid of taking the plunge. Or not travel to an unfamiliar place because you don’t know what will happen. So, in seeking security and certainty, you actually distance yourself from the freedom you want.

The Unknown is more peaceful and more freeing than you ever imagined. If you don't experience it that way, it means you're not resting there; you're still trying to know. You are still choosing security over freedom.

Freedom and uncertainty are the essence of life. Freedom. To see what is happening, to choose an option, to go with what happens. Freedom and uncertainty make life the adventure that it is. Why would you want it any other way?"

http://www.adyashanti.org/index.php?file=writings


June 27, 2017

The Quest for Peace | by Adyashanti

"The quest for peace is simply the quest for truth or reality. There is a beautiful thing about the truth--it is already here; ever-present, totally free. As soon as the mind pulls out an agenda and decides what needs to change, that's unreality. ("My career, my kids, my spouse, my parents..."). Life doesn't need a push. Life doesn't need you to tell it the "right" way to go because it's going there anyway. Then you start to get a hint of why the liberated mind tends to get very quiet and calm. It doesn't have its full-time job of controlling things, of sustaining an intricately fabricated house of cards.

Why do so few people find freedom? Because we are conditioned to run away from truth, to think that freedom and peace will come only when things are different than they are now. But you can’t run away from yourself and your life and find peace. Step back and open your eyes: when it's clear that there’s nothing going on other than the ultimate reality, it’s a done deal--peace is effortless."

http://www.adyashanti.org/index.php?file=writings


June 20, 2017

Double standard

"Many psychotherapy patients seek help for an inability to cope in social situations. Commonly, this comes with a belief that their openness to ridicule is exceptional--that somehow other people are not as likely to appear foolish from time to time. I suggest to them that the enemy is within--a double standard. "While others can be wrong, I must get everything right all the time, or suffer shame." To the extent we cling to being special in this way, we remain stuck with intolerance of risk and uncertainty, and ultimately, a partially unlived life.

If the patient must feel like a misfit, I suggest they keep in mind that we are all misfits. Necessarily, we mess up again and again as we try to make our way. Still, it behooves us to do our best. We must make our inevitable mistakes, face our foolishness as best we can, and go on."

~ Sheldon Kopp "Mirror, Mask, and Shadow: The Risks and Rewards of Self-Acceptance"


May 29, 2017 ·

"Deep down we all suspect that something is very wrong with the way we perceive life but we try very, very hard not to notice it. We are addicted to qualities like approval, recognition, control, and power. We end up in a continuous state of protecting or improving how others see us, rather than relaxing and letting things happen. It feels normal to struggle in this way, it seems very intuitive to chase happiness and end suffering. But none of these things will actually bring an end to suffering. In fact, they’re the cause of suffering!

To gain freedom, the key is to give freedom. Until you have given the world permission to agree with you or disagree with you, to like you or not like you, to love you or hate you, to see things as you see them or to see things differently—until you have given the whole world its freedom—you’ll never have your freedom."

---

(from The Question of Being by Adyashanti)

https://adyashanti.org/index.php?file=writings_inner&writingid=51


May 23, 2017 ·

An interesting talk about zen by Bernie Glassman (PhD Math, engineer at McDonnell-Douglas, Buddhist Roshi)

~

A physicist might say that everything is Energy. Energy permeates everything that exists, energy is everything that exists, energy is the fabric from which everything is woven. This includes the things we think are “solid” and permanent. You and I are constructed from particles of the same Energy.

From my perspective as a Buddhist, I regard everything as Emptiness. Within that Emptiness, events come and go. Experiences arise and recede. They seem real, but they are nothing more than transient configurations of energy, with no substance. They may seem like facts, but they are stories. My brain may convert a particular story into something I regard as “real,” while your brain may convert it into a different experience that you consider “real.” We label that experience a “fact” if we believe it, and if we don’t believe it we say it’s a “lie.” If I share a “truth” with someone else—meaning, we agree on the facts—I’ll get along better with that person than if I disagree. Human beings go to war with one another when they don’t agree on “Truth.” One person thinks there is a God, another one doesn’t. Israelis and Palestinians have their own version of history. The Hutu and the Tutsi in Rwanda each has its own version of history. And each group takes action on those Stories. This is the reason for so many genocides.

I think that all of these versions are equally true or equally false. They are all Story. Real Truth has no opposite—because how can there be an opposite of What Is? In Zen we have riddles called Koans, which are designed to help the practitioner experience things as they are prior to labeling, prior to story. Each label, each story, separates us from What Is. Because I labelled "me", then I simultaneously created "others" (not me). This division created by labeling is called "duality", and restricts our experience, our ability to connect with the world we live in.

I would like to make clear that calling everything a “Story” is not a license to be uncompassionate toward another’s suffering. I’ve sometimes heard people say dismissively toward someone in distress, “Oh, that’s just your Story. Get over it.” We should see the Interconnectedness of all Life, the Oneness of All There Is. If my right hand is gashed, my entire body will spring into action. My feet will take me to the doctor, my left hand will change my right hand’s bandage. Wouldn’t it be absurd for the other body parts to say, “Oh, it’s only the right hand hurting. I’m going to get on with my life.” If my realization and actualization expands beyond just "me", then when someone is gashed or starving I’ll naturally take care of it. Because, in doing so, I’m taking care of myself.

http://zenpeacemakers.org/2014/09/a-story-of-karma/


April 8, 2017 ·

On our search to belong (by psychotherapist S. Kopp)

~

"This wish to satisfy someone greater than the Self, to be found acceptable, to belong at last, is a struggle familiar to many psychotherapy patients. In their lives they waste themselves on wondering how they are doing, on trying to figure out the expectations of others so that they can become someone in the eyes of others.They are sure there is a right way to do things, though they have not yet found it. Someone in authority must know...”

“After a while, we begin to experience the new reality of each person as being as strong and as weak as anyone else...that each of us grown-ups has as much and as little power as the other, and that we had best learn to take care of ourselves.”

(Sheldon Kopp is author of "If You Meet the Buddha on the Road, Kill Him: The Pilgrimage Of Psychotherapy Patients")


December 13, 2016 ·

The Surprising Science of Happiness: TED talk by Dan Gilbert

~

"From field to laboratory studies, we see that getting or not getting a promotion, gaining or losing a romantic partner, passing or not passing a college test, on and on, have far less impact and much less duration on happiness than people expect. Why? Because happiness can be synthesized. Our brains have a "psychological immune system" that change our views and make us feel better about the world in which we find ourselves.

We rightly have preferences that lead us into one future over another. But when those preferences drive us too hard because we have overrated the difference between these futures, we are at risk. Our longings and worries get overblown. The lesson is this -- we have within us the capacity to manufacture the very commodity we are constantly chasing."


December 9, 2016 ·

"When we realize the truth of 'everything changes', and find composure in it, we find ourselves in nirvana"--Shunryu Suzuki

~

"We know we will experience both happy and sad, both pleasure and difficulty. If you try to escape one, your effort will be in vain. Happy is good, but sad is also good. With the acceptance that everything changes, we can find perfection in imperfect existence. This is the basic teaching of how to live in this world."


November 21, 2016 ·

"Stop acting as if life is a rehearsal."--Wayne Dyer

~

The problem is, we think we have time. So we put life on hold to get things done. When I graduate, when I get that job, when my kids are grown, when I retire.....THEN I can finally begin life, for real. Then I can finally be happy.

But life is not a rehearsal or preparation. This day that is passing, this is it, we will never live it again. So stop waiting. Stop preparing. Stop chasing happiness. Just be content. Sit down, straighten your back, feel the silence, and make the decision. Life begins now.


August 23, 2016 ·

"We’re programmed to connect with each other; we just keep getting in our own way. Develop these habits for making superficial conversation turn into a real connection.

•Turn off your inner voice. Many times, we don’t really listen. Instead, we’re thinking and focused on what we’re going to say next.

• Be the first to up the ante. Instead of safe topics, try revealing something you’re passionate about. Often they will follow your lead.

• Ask good questions. “What do you do?” doesn’t further the relationship as much as, “Why did you choose your profession?” Try to understand what makes the other person tick.

• Respect their candor. If they do you the honor of opening up, avoid sarcasm or jokes that might make them feel judged.

• Look for the good. Sometimes we are predisposed to find reasons to not like people. Look for reasons to like them instead.

• Don’t make it a contest. Avoid the urge to outdo each other. This may help your ego, but it hurts relationships."

https://www.linkedin.com/…/how-instantly-connect-anyone-dr-…


June 20, 2016 ·

"Many psychotherapy patients seek help for an inability to cope in social situations. While we all have a normal need to avoid embarrassment, their aversion has been heightened to the extent where they have developed a protective shell of acting timid and avoid letting others come to know them. Commonly, this comes with a belief that their openness to ridicule is exceptional--that somehow other people are not as likely to appear foolish from time to time, or that others are tougher and more competent. I suggest to them that the enemy is within. In part, the problem is a viewpoint that arrogantly insists on a higher standard for self than others. "I must get everything right all the time, or suffer shame." To the extent we cling to being special in this way, we remain stuck with the tediously painful life of the perfectionist striver. The result is intolerance of risk and uncertainty, and ultimately, a partially unlived life.

If the patient must feel like a misfit, I suggest they keep in mind that we are all misfits. Basically, we are all the same. Necessarily, we each mess up again and again as we try to make our way. Still, it behooves us to do our best. We must make our inevitable mistakes, face our foolishness, forgive ourselves as best we can and go on."

~

Sheldon Kopp "Mirror, Mask, and Shadow: The Risks and Rewards of Self-Acceptance"


June 13, 2016 ·

"The feeling of being someone special is hypnotically compelling. Entranced by that naive belief, we expect to be recognized as marvelous creatures wherever we go. It is bewildering when one day we discover we have grown up to be an unremarkable adult surrounded by unimpressed strangers. If we persist in the fantasy of being favored, the social costs can be very high. We might be seen as adult versions of pampered children--conceited, uncaring, and unreasonably demanding. The personal costs are higher. Normal everyday situations can be fraught with frustration and anxiety, because our vision of being special is constantly threatened by other people's reactions."

~

Sheldon Kopp: "An End to Innocence: Facing Life Without Illusions"


June 7, 2016 ·

"Everybody wants a happy life and a peaceful mind, but these cannot be gifted. We each have to produce our own peace of mind. It starts with the intent to change."

~ Dalai Lama


June 6, 2016 ·

Habits of Likeable People — Travis Bradberry

~

They are genuine. No one likes a fake. People gravitate toward those who are genuine because they know they can trust them.

They ask thoughtful questions. The biggest mistake people make when it comes to listening is they’re too focused on what they’re going to say next. You’ll be surprised how much appreciation you gain just by asking questions.

They don't pass judgment. No one wants to have a conversation with someone who has already formed opinions.

They don't seek attention. People are averse to those who seek attention. When you’re being recognized for an accomplishment, shift the attention to those who helped. This may sound cliché, but appreciative and humble are closely tied to likeability.


May 17, 2016 ·

More good stuff from Confucius. There is value in being fake.

~ "Confucian rituals — or “as if” rituals — come from the small conventional things we do all the time. When you smile and say hi as if you weren’t stressing over something, you’re engaging in an as-if ritual. When you’re tempted to roll your eyes over something your annoying cousin said, but instead respond as if what she said was insightful, you’re engaging in an as-if ritual.

Yes, these moments go against our authentic, true feelings. They can feel fake, or like we’re being nice for politeness’ sake. But precisely because they go against your authentic, true feelings, they have the potential to allow you to become a different, and a better, person for a brief moment. The more you consciously engage in such moments the more you cultivate yourself. You train yourself not to always act true, in order to behave better."


May 16, 2016 ·

The Importance of Breaking Free...of Yourself

"Confucius said to find your strengths, and deliberately go against them! Intentionally seek out things you don’t love, aren’t good at. Pay attention to interests you think you have no time for; choose experiences precisely because they are so not you.

The point is not to develop well roundedness, nor even to develop new expertise. The point is to get in the habit of expanding your perspective and your life. To practice constantly engaging in anything that that forces you away from living as a narrow, singular self.

Instead of choosing self-discovery and acceptance, choose self-cultivation. Overcome yourself. This is how you become a flourishing adult. It is also the best way to create a flourishing world."

https://www.linkedin.com/…/importance-breaking-free-yoursel…


April 29, 2016 ·

These quotes dovetail to a common message. I imagine spiritual teachers spend their days doing the same thing, stringing words together to help us find peace.

~ • Buddha "You always want more, more, more, your desire can never be satisfied. By moving beyond narrow self-interest, we find inner peace. This is the secret of how to live."

• Dalai Lama "Practice compassion. Compassion is not about other people, it is about releasing ourselves from loneliness and discontent."

• Adyashanti "Deep down we all suspect that something is very wrong with the way we perceive life but we try very, very hard not to notice it."

• Thich Nhat Hanh "As soon as we release ourselves from limiting views, we are free and we don’t suffer anymore."

• Wayne Dyer "Stay miserable. Or change. Whatever has to be done, it’s always your choice."

• Eckhart Tolle "Sometimes letting things go is an act of far greater power than defending or hanging on."

• Sheldon Kopp "All of the significant battles are waged within the self."


April 11, 2016 ·

"Her wish to satisfy someone greater than the Self, to be found acceptable, to belong at last, is a struggle familiar to many psychotherapy patients. In their lives they waste themselves on wondering how they are doing, on trying to figure out the expectations of others so that they can become someone in the eyes of others. If only they could get the words straight in their heads, if only they could find the correct formula, then everything else in their lives would be magically straightened out.

But after a while, she began to experience the new reality of each person as being as strong and as weak as anyone else. Slowly, she learned that each of us grown-ups has as much and as little power as the other. And that we are writing our own story, not waiting for another's interpretation."

― Sheldon B. Kopp, "If You Meet the Buddha on the Road, Kill Him: The Pilgrimage Of Psychotherapy Patients"


March 28, 2016 ·

“Though a patients enters therapy insisting that he wants to change, often what he really wants is to remain the same and to get the therapist to make him feel better. My job is to help him learn that there is nothing that anyone can teach him. Once he is willing to give up being taught, he learns that he already knows how to live.

The secret is that there is no secret. Everything is just what it seems to be, there are no hidden meanings. It is only the constant questioning of life-as-it-is that ties a man in knots. One does not need an answer in order to find peace. He needs only to surrender to his existence, to cease the needless, empty questioning."

― Sheldon B. Kopp, "If You Meet the Buddha on the Road, Kill Him: The Pilgrimage Of Psychotherapy Patients"


March 14, 2016 ·

Adyashanti on enlightenment. (Enlightenment from what?)

~ "Our sense of "me" is simply a movement of the mind toward things that we want, and away from things we don't want. Who is wanting? "Me". And who is this me? A sense of self caused by identification with desire and aversion. You see, it's all a creation of the mind, an endless movie, a terrible dream. You can step out of this dream of who you think you are. Step out of the dream of your concepts and ideas. Step out of the dream of everything you have ever known. Stop telling yourself those lies.

The Buddha didn’t say, "I'll try" or “I hope I find the Truth.” He came to the point where he didn’t look for anyone else to tell him the Truth. He came to the point where he took it all on himself. He sat alone under the Bodhi Tree and vowed never to give up until the Truth be realized. The power of this very simple, yet unshakable intention liberated him.

So step out of your own dream. You can do it. Nothing is holding you back. There are no requirements and no prerequisites to awaken. Just stop all excuses. Stop and be still. At each and every moment from here on out, have the intention to directly experience Truth. Don’t think about the Truth, don't go spouting out an answer—directly return to your experience here, now. Your experience! Of hearing, of seeing, of tasting, of breathing. Of your feet touching the floor, of the birds, of the wind. Experience the freedom of who you are. You are the Buddha—experience that. You are the Buddha."

https://www.adyashanti.org/index.php…


March 7, 2016 ·

"What a beautiful thought: Less to organize, less to clean... less stress... and in return more time, more satisfaction, and a simplified life. Start at home. If your rooms are heavily cluttered, most likely your office, and your life, is cluttered.

Get rid of "maybe“ and "just in case“ things. The archived article, the not yet read book on the shelf, the sweater you have not worn in a year, the unused shoes you bought six months ago...face it, there´s a very low probability you´ll ever use them. Your house, office, or car should not serve as storage lockers."


February 8, 2016 ·

"When people reflect on their biggest regrets, they wish they could redo the inactions, not the actions. In the long run, people seem to regret not having done things much more than they regret things they did."

https://www.linkedin.com/…/overcome-fear-failure-instead-ad…


February 1, 2016 ·

"Sometimes, the solution is not to change your circumstance, but to alter your perspective. Whenever I start to feel empty, anxious, or unhappy, I make a mental list of the goals I have already achieved. The people I love. And the things I am grateful for. Now, before I look to change something in my life, I change my attitude. Nine times out of ten, I solve my problem without making any real changes at all."

https://www.linkedin.com/…/pursuit-happiness-song-never-end…


January 21, 2016 ·

"When someone communicates that they are not “on our side” our first reaction is to dismiss them as stupid. “Who the hell are all these people that watch NCIS?” or “Who are these people voting for Ben Carson?"

Online, this morphs into a belief that we and our friends are the sane ones and that there’s a crazy “Other Side” that must be laughed at, that just doesn’t get it, and is clearly not as intelligent as us. But this social media behavior is counterproductive. Refusing to truly understand those who disagree with you is intellectual laziness and perhaps worse than what you’re accusing the Other Side of doing.

We should all enter every issue with the very real possibility that we might be wrong this time. Isn’t it possible that you, power user of Facebook and Twitter, might not be right about everything? That those who live in places not where you live, watch shows that you don’t watch, and read books that you don’t read, have opinions and belief systems just as valid as yours? That maybe you don’t see the entire picture?"


January 18, 2016 ·

"People with a fixed mindset believe you are who you are and cannot change. People with a growth mindset believe that they can improve with effort. They outperform those with a fixed mindset, even when they have a lower IQ.

While both types experience fear, the growth mindset overcomes paralysis by taking action. There’s no such thing as a truly perfect moment to move forward, so why wait for one? Worry is turned into positive energy."

https://www.linkedin.com/…/why-attitude-more-important-than…


January 3, 2016 ·

Wayne Dyer on new year's resolutions:

"Forget about New Year’s resolutions in which you decide on January how you will be conducting your life in September. These reinforce the notion of living in the future rather than in the present moment. It is better to ask yoursef “How am I going to use my present moments this year?”


December 23, 2015 ·

"Standing in Your Own Two Shoes" (Excerpted from Insights on the End of Suffering, by Adyashanti)

~ The search for peace isn’t a search into tomorrow. It starts by looking into the very nature of this moment. In order to do that, you have to “stand in your own two shoes,” as my teacher used to say. What she meant is you have to look clearly into your own experience. Stand in your own shoes, and examine closely: What’s happening right here and right now? Is it possible to let go of trying to make anything happen? Even in this moment, there may be some unhappiness, but is it possible to no longer push against it, to try to get rid of it, to try to get somewhere else?

My teacher also said, “You need to take the backward step, not the forward step.” The forward step is very familiar: seeking and more seeking, striving and more striving, always looking for peace, happiness, love. To take the backward step means to just turn around and look at precisely the place where you are standing. See if what you are looking for isn’t already present in your experience.

If you try to make peace happen, you’ll miss it. This is more like a process of recognition, recognizing a stillness that is naturally present. We’re just noticing that there is a dimension to consciousness that, in this very moment, isn’t struggling, isn’t trying to get somewhere. Notice that the peace, this end of struggling, is already present.

You may see that the mind is so conditioned to move away from peace that it will try to argue with the basic fact of its existence within you: “I can’t be at peace yet because I have to do this, or that, or this question hasn’t been answered, or so–and–so hasn’t apologized to me.” But this is part of the dream of the mind. We’re all taught that something needs to change for us to experience true peace and freedom.

Just imagine for a moment that this isn’t true. What would it be like if you didn’t need to struggle, if you didn’t need to make an effort to find peace and happiness? What would that feel like now? And just take a moment to be quiet and see if peace or stillness is with you in this moment.

~Excerpted from Falling Into Grace: Insights on the End of Suffering by Adyashanti


October 15, 2015 ·

Good enough.

"If we wait until all our needs and wants are met, we may wait forever. There is a Vietnamese proverb, 'Tri tuc, tien tuc, dai tuc, ha thoi tuc.' That means, 'good enough is enough'. Your shirt and pair of shoes can last another year. It's all right for three or four people to share a desk for studying. As long as we think our lives are not good enough, we will not have happiness. As soon as we realize our lives are good enough, happiness immediately appears. That is the practice of contentment."

~Thich Nhat Hanh


October 6, 2015 ·

"The follow-your-passion philosophy puts a lot of pressure on the rest of us who don't have a clear desire to be a doctor or writer or something else. But the traits that make people love their work are more general, like a sense of autonomy and being good at what you do. So I was confident that all three of my career options could become a source of passion, and this freed me from worry about making a wrong choice."

http://www.nytimes.com/…/follow-a-career-passion-let-it-fol…


August 18, 2015 ·

There is an intellectual side to Zen. In order to be happy with the way things are, we first need to see the way they truly are, unclouded by judgement, expectations, anger, anxiety, and envy. Toward this end, Rinzai school of zen emphasizes using koans over daily meditation. Koans are (often absurd) stories that shock our intellect into seeing truth in a simple and straightforward manner.

Koan 1 (The Muddy Road): Tanzan and Ekido were traveling down a muddy road. They came upon a lovely girl in a silk kimono, unable to cross the intersection. "Come on, girl" said Tanzan, and he carried her in his arms over the mud. Later that night, Ekido could not contain himself. "We monks don't go near females, especially not lovely ones. It is dangerous. Why did you do that?" Tanzan replied "I left the girl there. Are you still carrying her?"

Koan 2 (The Real Miracle): Bankei was in the midst of a talk when a jealous priest spoke. "The founder of our sect had such miraculous powers that he held a brush on one bank of the river, his attendant held up paper on the other bank, and the teacher wrote the holy name of Amida through the air. Can you do such a thing?" Bankei replied: "That is not the manner of my powers. My miracle is that when I feel hungry I eat, and when I feel thirsty I drink."


August 5, 2015 ·

Happiness is collective. Thich Nhat Hanh shares what he learned from a banana.

"I was looking at a young banana tree. There was a big sister leaf and a second sister leaf. The third and youngest leaf was still curled up inside. The big sister leaf was proud and beautiful, and gave the impression that she only cared about herself. But if you look deeply, she was helping the second and third leaves, and even a fourth leaf that was not yet visible. She was doing the work of nourishing the whole tree. She was living her own life, and yet she was helping to nourish and raise future generations. Of course, the second leaf was doing the same thing.

The same is true for us. When people say "I have my own life to live", this is a misconception, a misunderstanding of our interrelatedness. We are one reality. When one suffers, we all suffer. By living our lives beautifully, we nourish our siblings and future generations. When we look at the banana tree, we see clearly that happiness is collective. We have to work together and understand one another."

~Thich Nhat Hanh "Under the Rose Apple Tree"


June 25, 2015 ·

"Humility doesn't sit well with other qualities equated with success--drive, ambition, ruthlessness, competitive fierceness. But humility has one great advantage--it allows you to set your ego aside. At every level of achievement, the ego can blind us, leading to bad decisions and poor relationships with others. A clear-sighted leader sees what the situation really needs, undistracted by what the ego wants. There is a value in being able to set ego aside temporarily, not simply to make a show of being humble but to get things to work better."

~Deepak Chopra, "An Overlooked Key to Success: Practical Humility"


May 26, 2015 ·

Ever wonder what enlightenment might feel like? Here is a glimpse, from "The Awakened Way" by Adyashanti:

"While the world is trying to solve its problems and everyone around you is engaged in the same, you’re not. While everybody around you is trying to figure it out, trying to `get there', trying to be worthy, you’re not. Where everybody is so sure that happiness will come when something is different than it is now, you know that it won’t.

When everybody else is looking to the next book, to the next teacher, to the next guru, to be given the secret key to an awakened life, you’re not. You don’t have a key because there’s not a lock to put it in.

You’re actually very simple. You basically sit around wondering what all the fuss is about. But you remember when you were searching for the solution. You remember that you didn’t find a solution. You remember that the whole idea that there was a problem created all of that.

The truth of your being doesn’t crave happiness; it could actually care less. It doesn’t crave love, not because you are so full of love, but because it just doesn’t crave love. It doesn’t seek to be known, or regarded highly, or understood. When you’re living what you are in an awakened way, there’s no ideal for you anymore. You’ve stepped off the entire cycle of suffering, of becoming; you’re not interested.

Power is not an issue for you. It’s not interesting. The power to control another human being is not interesting. Intellectual power is not interesting. The power to control yourself is not interesting. The power that people want to give you is not interesting—not because it shouldn’t be; it’s just not. What would you want to do with it? You see that there’s nothing you want to do with it.

When you’re living in the awakened way, in the awakened being that you are, you’re alone, and you’re finally comfortable with it. You’re alone, but you’re not lonely at all. Strangely—very strangely—you are more connected, more intimate, more at one with everything. More. And you would have never thought that those two could in any way be together: total aloneness and total oneness. You would have never guessed that that’s the way it would end up. But it does, and it always has."

http://www.adyashanti.org/index.php?file=writings_inner&writingid=25


April 29, 2015 ·

We pay a high price for being self-interested. As long as we are focused on self, we will care what others think. We will worry about the right things to say. We will want to own the right stuff. We experience want. And insecurity. And envy. We cannot find peace.

By learning to look beyond our fragile selves, we start seeing and appreciating the bigger world. It just sits there, beautiful and simple, wondering why people run around looking for problems to solve, trying to outdo each other. When we truly see this, our minds become less demanding. We wonder why we were concerned what others were thinking. We are able to appreciate little things, like free air and quiet moments. Our natural state becomes a sense of freedom, an absence of urgency, a disinterest in being better than others. After all, who cares?


April 16, 2015 ·

There is a part of us that is always scanning, looking for things we can improve. In our life, our job, money, kids. We want things to be "this way", even when the evidence already shows they are not that way.

If we can stop scanning.....at first briefly, then for longer periods, we free ourselves to welcome things as they are. There is no need for a deep understanding of Zen. Problem is, we think we have time to do this later.


February 27, 2015 ·

Non-striving is a radical idea. We have been conditioned our whole lives to 'try harder' and to think that what we already have is not good enough. Non-striving does not mean laziness or inaction. Rather it means doing things out of naturalness. Like eating when we are hungry and stopping when we are full. It gets complicated when we eat with an agenda, like trying to lose weight or gain weight or be healthier. We do not need an agenda for everything. Sometimes, we can just let things be.


February 14, 2015 ·

'Karma' and 'acceptance' are often seen as passive--fate and surrender. But in Sanskrit karma literally means 'action', in the sense of "action leads to consequences". Or cause-and-effect.

So karma tells us to be proactive, because the path we choose affects where we end up. In this context, acceptance means an openness to experience whatever the journey brings. Be indifferent to outcome. The goal is to travel, not to arrive.


January 29, 2015 ·

"Over time I came to see that worry wasn’t my enemy, it was just trying to protect me. Often, I don’t even need to work out what’s causing them. It is more empowering to be resilient enough to experience unpleasant feelings and let them pass through, without getting caught in a fight with them."--Sheila Bayliss

https://www.everyday-mindfulness.org/why-mindfulness-needs-kindness/


December 23, 2014 ·

Do not underestimate the mind's ability to complicate things. Life should be simple---we engage in activities, one at a time. Like bumblebees that collect nectar, flying from flower to flower. One at a time. Simply minute-by-minute expressing their nature, their bumblebeeness. The same way that fish swim, and cows graze, in sincere, attentive, ordinary activity.

We also express our nature through activity. Sellers sell, healers heal, teachers teach, learners learn. This is called living. We are expressing our aliveness. But instead of satisfaction, we get stressed and anxious at work. Why? Because of distractions that undermine the naturalness of activity---we compete with colleagues, get jealous, dislike bosses, fill quotas, seek more money or prestige.

When Buddha talked about clarity, he meant an ability to see this, to tell true nature from distraction. To know when we are acting from true self or from ego. The ultimate irony is that acting from ego is not in our best interest. It is a fascinating game of cat-and-mouse, one that ego too frequently wins. But definitely something we can do better with awareness and practice.


December 11, 2014 ·

Do you say "I am stressed" instead of "I am having stressful thoughts"? If you think they are the same, then you give your thoughts too much credit. They are temporary, they come from nothing and soon become nothing. We own our thoughts, they don't own us. If this is a secret, it is the worst kept secret in history. Therapists and Zen teachers have been teaching this for generations.

Buddha asked: "In the moment after one thought ends and before the next one begins, are we thinking?" His eventual answer was.....no. What he found between thoughts is just an awareness, a calm, alert presence. A presence that watches thoughts come and go. A true deeper self that has always been there, just beneath the ordinary noisy mind.

This was Buddha's great insight, that there is a true self, a natural primordial `me'. That we can examine it and gain access to it. That with practice we can live and interact from its point of view. That from there we can hold our thoughts and feelings at a distance, just watch them come and go. That instead of saying "I am so stressed", we can instead say "Hmm, I have stressful thoughts at the moment. I'll wait them out."

This is the point of meditation. Not to sit lotus or focus on breath, but to spend time in the quiet between our thoughts. To experience our true self. And to discover how it feels to not be owned by thoughts and feelings.


November 8, 2014 ·

A lot of our habits and thoughts are self-centered. We pursue prestige and status, and this adds stress to our lives. We strive for achievement and focus on outcomes, while overlooking the experience. We dress hurriedly, eat breakfast distractedly, rush through the work day. Waiting for the right time to truly enjoy ourselves, we miss out on the only life we have to live.

Intentional awareness is the antidote to habitual self-centeredness. Minute by minute, pay full attention to each task at hand. For example while getting dressed, slow down and appreciate the physicality of pulling up your socks, feel the sensation of fabric against your skin. Bring the same pace and micro awareness to eating breakfast, driving to work, listening to your colleague, sipping your coffee, cleaning up a mess, or just being in the middle of a dull and ordinary work day.

The following koan says it well.
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A monk told Joshu: `I have just entered the monastery. Please teach me.' Joshu asked: `Have you eaten your rice porridge?' The monk replied: `I have eaten.' Joshu said: `Then you had better wash your bowl.' At that moment the monk was enlightened.
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October 5, 2014 ·

"Some of the most comforting words in the universe are 'me too'. That moment when you find out that your struggle is also someone else's struggle, that you’re not alone, and that others have been down the same road."

-- Unknown


October 3, 2014 ·

Excerpt from "A Mathematician’s Survival Guide" by Peter G. Casazza

"It is difficult to work in mathematics without developing a certain amount of arrogance. But this is not a winning long term strategy....you will spend the rest of your career trying to raise arrogance to the level of an art form so it will hide your clinical depression."


September 22, 2014 ·

When people hear about Zen and mindfulness, they sometimes think "yeah,yeah...hocus pocus, feel better". But mindfulness is not magic, it is as real as the problems we all have, as real as the stress they bring, and the relief we get from changing thinking habits.

One difficulty is language. Plenty has been written about self, suffering, and enlightenment...it gets confusing. In plain English: "many of our problems are caused by self-centeredness."

This means we spend a lot of time and energy thinking about 'my' life, or 'my' goals, or 'my' job, 'my' kids, my money, my social status...no wonder we get tired and stressed. Happily, the inverse is true--once we stop being the center of the universe, then our problems lose their edge.

It helps to remember that we are here short term, just a blip in space-time. The world took little notice when we were born, and won't miss us much when we are gone. Knowing we are part of something bigger helps us lose the burden of selfishness. We start seeing other lives around us, and appreciate the course our lives take. Our everyday activity become more meaningful, and we stop needing excitement and great joys.

This is enlightenment, a simple realization that we have been too focused on self to appreciate life.


September 7, 2014 ·

The story of the Taoist farmer is a therapy tool used to relieve stress. It teaches that we unknowingly make quick judgements, which leads to anxious thinking. Moral? Withhold judgment on good or bad, and try just going along with the course of things.

--One day, a farmer's only horse ran away. The neighbors condoled "such bad luck." The farmer said, "Maybe." A month later, the horse came home with two beautiful wild horses. The neighbors celebrated "such good fortune." The farmer said "Maybe." The farmer's son was thrown from one of the wild horses and broke his leg. "Such bad luck!" The farmer said, "Maybe." A war came, and the farmer's son, because he had a broken leg, was not drafted. The neighbors congratulated the farmer on the good fortune. "Maybe," said the farmer.


September 4, 2014 ·

"I can think, I can wait, I can fast," said Siddhartha to the beautiful Kamala. "You think this is of no use. But before learning to fast, a man would have to accept any kind of service before the day is up, because hunger would force him to do so. But like this, Siddhartha can wait calmly, he knows no impatience, he knows no emergency."


August 18, 2014 ·

Beginner's Mind

The goal of mindfulness is to regain our beginner's mind, the mind we are born with. That is all. There is no need to have a deep understanding of Zen. Our expert mind is judgemental and dualistic; "this is good, that is bad". It entertains self-centered thoughts of achievement; "I have done this, and soon I will do that". These thoughts make our mind demanding; we feel discontent, and forever focused on the future ("when I retire", "when I buy that new something") or the past ("those were good times").

Our original mind, on the other hand, is rich, empty, and open to everything. In the beginner's mind, there is no thought, "I have attained something" or "I am going to attain that". When we have no thoughts of achievement or longing, then our mind is self-sufficient, and unrestricted. We are true to ourselves, compassionate, and in sympathy with all beings. We delight in the miracle of existence, and find contentment in everyday activity, unburdened by thoughts of the end result.

--Shunryu Suzuki: "Zen Mind, Beginner's Mind"


July 29, 2014 ·

"... He saw mankind going through life in a childlike or animal-like manner. He saw them toiling, saw them suffering, and becoming gray for the sake of things which seemed to him to entirely unworthy of this price, for money, for little pleasures, for being slightly honored. He saw them scolding and insulting each other, he saw them complaining about pain at which a Samana would only smile, and suffering because of deprivations which a Samana would not feel."

Excerpt from "Siddharta" by Herman Hesse, the tale of a man's search for true life. It is a short book you can read in one day. A free version is available at http://www.online-literature.com/hesse/siddhartha/


May 30, 2014 ·

"Be ordinary." Many of us spin our wheels chasing that next special thing---job, car, status, relationship, vacation, retirement. For the next minute, give in to ordinary, uneventful existence. Observe people and things, as they truly are, aware that you are observing life. If you are at work, find a rhythm in unhurried and sincere activity. If you are hungry, eat. If you are thirsty, drink. With practice, we might find contentment in pure, ordinary, every-minute existence.


May 2, 2014 ·

The anxious child is frequently haunted by the dreaded "What if...(something terrible were to happen)?" In the presence of external danger, fear is a good thing-- it moves us away from the threat and toward safety. Unfortunately, some of us become excessively afraid, and fear remains a way of life well beyond the times we need it.

As adults, this can become a feeling of being afraid of new experiences, and a tendency to depend on the safety provided by others. As a result, we go on uneasily avoiding unfamiliar activities, sacrificing the pleasure of surprise and adventure for the sake of familiar but dull security. Always depending on the safety of others, we end up seeing people as either threats or protectors, limiting our capacity to enjoy compassion, empathy and love.

Enjoyment of an adventuresome adult life requires that we learn to discern for ourselves the difference between false alarms and actual danger. Standing at a threshold not knowing what lies on the other side, the willingness to risk can bring about otherwise unattainable rewards. Relying on our own judgement for risk and rewards, we might permit ourselves to pass into the uncharted territory of adventure, curiousity, caring and personal growth.

--Sheldon Kopp "Raise Your Right Hand Against Fear, Extend the Other in Compassion"


April 16, 2014 ·

"Peace through activity." When ants work, they work. That is all. They do not think "I am almost done" or "we need to do a good job". There is no thought of time or progress. Their minds stop, and they bask in the honest, sincere activity of the moment. Activity also calms us, but only if the activity is sincere. If you do something in order to impress, then you are burdened by the outcome. If you walk and cannot wait to get there, then you are not really walking. Or driving.

The thought of gaining something keeps us from the calmness that activity brings. So when you work, just work. Give honest effort at each moment, expecting to make progress little by little, or no progress at all. When you rest, just rest. Afterwards you will eat. Then drink water. Then you will do something else. Let each activity calm your mind. Be an ant. All day, every day.

(Paraphrased from Shunryu Suzuki: "Zen Mind, Beginner's Mind")


April 14, 2014 ·

Pema Chodron on highs and lows. Welcome both.

“Life is glorious, but life is also wretched. It is both. The gloriousness inspires us, gives us a bigger perspective, energizes us. We feel connected. But if that's all that's happening, we get arrogant and start to look down on others, and there is a sense of making ourselves a big deal...

On the other hand, wretchedness--life's painful aspect--softens us up considerably. Knowing pain is a very important ingredient of being there for another person. The wretchedness humbles us and softens us. Gloriousness and wretchedness need each other. One inspires us, the other softens us. They go together.”

― Pema Chodron, Start Where You Are: A Guide to Compassionate Living


April 8, 2014 ·

Sheldon Kopp on the search for belonging:

"This wish to satisfy someone greater than the Self, to be found acceptable, to belong at last, is a struggle familiar to many psychotherapy patients. In their lives they waste themselves on wondering how they are doing, on trying to figure out the expectations of others so that they can become someone in the eyes of others.They are sure there is a right way to do things, though they have not yet found it. Someone in authority must know...”

“After a while, we begin to experience the new reality of each person as being as strong and as weak as anyone else...that each of us grown-ups has as much and as little power as the other, and that we had best learn to take care of ourselves.”

(Sheldon Kopp is author of "If You Meet the Buddha on the Road, Kill Him: The Pilgrimage Of Psychotherapy Patients")


April 1, 2014 ·

"Welcome to now." Our minds constantly look to the future for happiness. When we were students we thought "After I graduate, I will be happy". Then after graduation, we said "When I get a good job, I will be happy." This kept going: "When I buy a car...", When I start a family...", "When my kids get settled...", "When I retire." After reaching a goal we were happy for a day, then moved on to the next thing.

Examine this tendency of our minds to constantly look forward. It is time to savor the present rather than invest it. Go through the day's activities with sincerity, the attainments will come. This day is the tomorrow you have been working for, things are already what they are, and exactly what they should be.


March 27, 2014 ·

"Keep calm and breathe on." Instead of seeing things as they are, our overly active minds add judgement, anxiety, and discontent. Mindfulness practice helps quiet the mind--typically, by just sitting and breathing. But it is not the only way.

Runners have reported reaching a focused(less?) state where....there's just the breath and pumping legs. Similar states can occur in gardening, cooking, driving, music and sports. And yes, sitting. For a brief window, the breathing and activity take over; then there is no judgement, no desire, no fears, no anger. Imagine staying like this all day, through all activities.


March 25, 2014 ·

"See things as they are." This is mindfulness practice in a few words. It is harder than it seems.

When you look at a glass with water, do you see just a glass with water? Our minds will want to add judgement: "it is not cold enough". Or discontent: "I wish there was more". Or anxiety: "Is it clean?" Or arrogance: "That's half-full, not half-empty".

From small things like a glass of water to large things like career, family and friends, our noisy minds can be relentless. How do your thoughts react to the obnoxious colleague, texters in theaters, internet trolls, poor grades, illness, loss? By recognizing mind-noise, we better see and appreciate the life that happens around us. It takes practice.


March 19, 2014 ·

"Getting what you want makes you content for a day. Learning to unwant makes you content for a lifetime." Zen proverb.